You need some good books in the wilderness

my help

Sometimes I feel I am going to spend my entire life going through one wilderness after the other, always learning but never seeming to grow enough to stay out of there. In the wilderness I’ve always had good Christian study books and my Bible, which God uses to show me truths.

Now, years later I am in the central desert of Australia, living in a remote community with the Aboriginal people and going through the darkest wilderness yet, affecting me emotionally in a way I’ve never experienced.

My husband has been caught up in his own wilderness with the attacks being physical and tearing his health down to near death situations.

An elderly, spirit filled woman of God, who worked out here in a missionary capacity a few years back, warned me. She said, “Before you go out there to that desert you must be prayed up, strong in your faith and walking close to the Lord. And it’s not the Aboriginal people you will have to fight but the spirit of dividing and death that rules over the area.

I think of the scripture 1 Peter 5:8: Be careful—watch out for attacks from Satan, your great enemy. He prowls around like a hungry, roaring lion, looking for some victim to tear apart.

I came out a year before my husband and things went pretty well. I remembered what the woman had told me but didn’t see anything to scary going on. Then my husband came out and almost the minute he set foot here his health started going.

About a year after he arrived I started changing jobs with a goal in mind of going out remote to the communities where I could work directly with the Aboriginal people where they lived. It happened pretty quickly and soon I was going on day trips and then 2-3 days and then a week at a time away from home. Soon after I started going out for full weeklong trips my husband started having health problems he never imagined he’d have.

I was caught up in the thrill of the experience and it pulled me into more days out and less days in town. Then it came to the point of going from working as a fixed temporary to permanent, the most sought after position in a government job. The job changed from what I’d been doing to living in a community 3 hours away from town. If I didn’t go for it I could end up with no job. The plan was for my husband to go out and live there too.

I won the position and went permanent in June and in September my husband ended up in the hospital for the first time in a near comatose state, in ICU for over a week. He was in the hospital for 4 months. They let me come home every weekend because of his health and a routine developed and I kept working.

After finally getting out of hospital my husband came out to the community to live our dream only to be flown back to the hospital by Flying Doctor 2 weeks later.

That started the discrimination and bullying by the bosses. My whole work ability and life was judged by the fact I had a sick spouse. The housing I was promised never came so there wasn’t room for my husband with the walker he now used. He was considered a liability to the government who employed me. He couldn’t ride in my work car. They judged if I should even have a larger house due to his health.

The major attracts toward me in the emotional level continued to accelerate. In June I was told I could no longer come down on weekends in the work car and I didn’t have anything fit to take over the hard-core road I had to drive on. It is essentially a 4-wheel drive road and can be flooded and closed for days. I poured money into my little wanna-be 4 wheel drive Suzuki that was too small to bring supplies out in and wasn’t suitable to the washboard dirt road I traveled. Besides that, I could only come down once a month due to the large building project starting up.

For eight months I have been working that way and my husband has been in and out of the hospital, sometimes while I was stuck 3 hours away. I spent all my time after work worrying about my husband. I changed phone plans so I could get free time from 7am to 7pm so I could call him every night and find out how he was.

Then the hospital flew my husband to Adelaide for tests and he met with his hometown friend, another farmer and they had such a good time that on a whim (which I believe was a directing from the spirit) I looked for rental houses in his small hometown. Amazingly I found one that was perfect but I didn’t think he’d want to go back there. But he did so we rented it and started making plans.

We decided to give up our house in town and ship our stuff to the new, cheaper house. Then my husband would come out and stay with me for a while and then go down to the other house. Then I’d come down off and on til I was ready to quit my job.

We set a shipping date for the 6th of January and the trouble started. Twice we had to change the date due to my husband going into the hospital. Even though he was getting better than he had been in over a year things just kept happening to him.

Finally we had the 3rd shipping date on the last day of January. Ten days to go, he was feeling really good and then on Monday he fell in the living room, hit a small marble top coffee table, tipping it over with the heavy thing landing on him as he fell to the floor and the weight of it smashed his hip. He was lying on the floor unable to move thinking he had his phone so he could call the ambulance but the doors were locked. Right then the realtor came to show the house to someone and she had a key. Is that God or what?

He had a partial hip replacement on Wednesday. He is looking at maybe 6 weeks in hospital for recovery and physio because of his other health problems. We gave up the house here and the stuff is still being shipped so we will have no place to except my unit in the community where he won’t be going now.

About two weeks ago I started reading Rick Joyner’s new book, The Path, Book 1 of Fire on the Mountain. I’ve read his books and teachings for years, in fact in my Montana wilderness experience God spoke to me through his book There Were Two Trees in the Garden.  I hadn’t actually thought about him for a while and then I spotted this book and I knew it was the one I needed to read. And true to God’s grace it was just the book I needed for this wilderness experience I am in.

Every time I hit a bad spot, usually a wilderness, God directs me to strong Christian books that contain the answers. I believe God directs the hands of many writers now just as He did the writers of the Bible.

One of the first chapters I read had a section about the attacking lions:

The biggest opening the lions have is a division among you. Any who separate from the group will be easy prey. They will attack stragglers or those who go off on their own. If they can’t devour you then they will try to turn you from something important you are engaged in.

To have them attack so brazenly you were doing something crucial. The timing and manner of the enemy’s attack is important to understand. An open attack is desperation and because what you were doing was such a threat. Knowing the voice of the Lord, obeying Him and dwelling in His presence. Being in the will of the Lord is no safe place.

And just like that, there was my answer. My husband and I were separated by my job and the lions were attacking us both in our weak areas. My husband is strong as a rock in his faith and trusting God. I can be swayed and have worries and I have to fight fear of not having enough money or the car breaking down in the middle of nowhere.

The whole answers played out in front of my eyes as I read those words. You are probably saying, how could I have been so dumb, and yes, I said that too.

For over a year I have kept telling myself that God had sent me out here and I can’t just walk away from it and kept hoping eventually it would work out. And I thought that I was the breadwinner now and I had to suck up and keep going since jobs are hard to find, especially for older people

After I read those lines and saw the picture I began to question why is it worse now then ever before. We are changing the direction, going to a new state where I will live at home and have a different job.

On Monday my husband fell, Wednesday he is in surgery, the same day someone takes money from my debit card and now it is frozen, yesterday my car overheated and it can’t be fixed until Tuesday.

While I stood looking out the window waiting for the tow truck I said, “Why is this happening God. Are we not supposed to go?” And the still small voice in my head said very patiently, “The devil wants you apart so he can destroy you both and keep you from what I have for you.”

Some times I can be so dumb! We are going to continue forward in our plan.

My husband went through the surgery far better than expected. He was able to get up and sit in a chair the first day afterwards. The physio said he did better than the other three patients he’d worked with that day and that those who get up faster get well faster. That was the corporate prayer from all over the world from people who don’t even know us. That is from prayer on my face before God, what my pastor calls “carpet time.” That is what people who don’t know God do not understand, like the doctors who were speaking death.







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